


Small Boxes

by KittyCatriona (War_Worn_Lipstick)



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Autumn, Cuddling, Cute, Drabble, Fluff, Like, Loneliness, M/M, Sadness, but it's a happy ending, can you even imagine what it would have been like to find each other in that time, honestly if i'm being serious i think the first few paragraphs of this, i mean it seems realistic to me, i tried haha, is actually what could have happened between them, of course they were so touchy with each other, or at least close to it, platonic, there's a mention of phil's friend who died, they were so lonely, which i think is a real thing that happened? i don't remember honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 05:23:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8388889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/War_Worn_Lipstick/pseuds/KittyCatriona
Summary: Dan and Phil were so lonely when they met. No wonder they got so close so quickly. Things get complicated and they find themselves in small boxes--but they built those boxes themselves, and, with a little time, they can take them down, too.





	

Dan didn’t realize he was so lonely until he met Phil. He didn’t realize that he longed for affection, he longed for physical contact. He didn’t realize how fulfilling real conversations about things he was interested in could be. He didn’t ever think that maybe he was missing out on something important, something vital to his existence as a human on this planet. 

Dan didn’t realize he was so lonely and neither did Phil. 

They found each other at the hardest of times. Dan, desperate for a real connection, and Phil, mourning the loss of his old best friend. They found each other and they latched on, they transcended boundaries of what most people would consider platonic, they touched and they held each other and they whispered into each other’s ears.

They became dependent on something they had previously not even known could exist. 

Sharing a bed one night, they breathed in sync. Dan tugged at the front of Phil’s t-shirt. “You sleep with this on?” he asked. 

Phil’s eyes were closed and he was tired, but he managed a small smile. “Usually yeah. I get cold.” 

“Oh,” Dan said, wiggling his shoulders a bit. “I like sleeping shirtless.”

“I figured,” Phil’s smile grew. 

Their foreheads touched, and Phil’s hand was tracing patterns against the skin over Dan’s heart, and together they slept.

Their fanbase on Youtube grew and the shipping started, and that’s when things began to crash around them. Suddenly their closeness, the boundaries they’d crossed, it _meant_ something, but it wasn’t supposed to. There were _labels,_ and there weren’t supposed to be. 

Dan withdrew and Phil could do nothing but the same, because neither of them saw each other that way, but the preposterousness of the rumors weren’t really that preposterous after all. But because they didn’t know which way to turn, and having only been used to turning towards each other, they tried to simply turn _away._

It didn’t work. They fought, they threatened, Dan would start to cry, and Phil would pretend to be strong but late at night when he could hear Dan pacing in the other room, he would shiver beneath the cold sheets and he would choke on the tears that refused to fall. 

They needed time, time away from each other, to relearn how to be _just friends_ , but they lived together and their careers were so closely entwined. They never had enough time. 

Things seem okay between them now. It’s 2016—it’s been years. They’ve grown as well as they could have in the tiny boxes they’d put themselves in.

All it takes is one thought. Dan is a few feet from Phil on the couch. It’s a cool, autumn day—Halloween is coming. Their flat is chilly because they’re afraid to turn the heat on, should the weather suddenly get warm again. So they have hot chocolate between their hands and they revel in the warmth from their laptops. 

A single thought—Dan thinks, without meaning to, that it would be nice to lean close against Phil. 

When he realizes what he’s thought, he jolts slightly. Phil glances at him. “You okay?” he asks. 

Dan avoids his gaze and frowns. “Yeah, sorry.” 

“Cold?” Phil asks, and the question hits Dan a bit too close to home. 

He wants to say no, he should say no. Saying no would be the safest route to keeping them on the track they’re on. But a part of Dan nags at him, tells him that it doesn’t have to be this way, not anymore. Things are okay now. The shipping doesn’t make them uncomfortable anymore—they’ve grown. 

So instead of no, he says, looking over to Phil, “Yeah, very.” 

And Phil sees so much weight in Dan’s eyes. There’s a sadness, a wistfulness. It leans against his heart and it hurts a bit. It says, _I miss you_ , and Phil doesn’t even fight the feeling. 

“Me too,” he says, and they stare at each other. 

Neither really knows how to make the next move, so they stare for a while. 

They’ve grown in their little boxes but they’re cramped. Their limbs are tangled against the walls and their shoulders press uncomfortably into the corners. 

Dan sets his mug down and shuts his laptop. Phil bristles and his fingers twitch, so he sets his own mug down, too. 

“Can I?” Dan whispers, and he hopes he doesn’t have to elaborate. 

Phil nods and holds up his arm, and Dan, grateful, slips under it. 

It’s different from how it used to be. Phil is softer now, and Dan thinks he might even be warmer. Phil revels in the way Dan is basically a radiator—it wasn’t really that he’d forgotten that was the case, but actually feeling Dan’s heat is so much better than the distant memory of it from years ago. Dan sighs, slow and loud, and Phil tightens his arm around his shoulders. 

“Can I watch you Tumble?” Dan asks out of courtesy. 

“Of course,” Phil says, and his fingers trail gently over Dan’s collarbone. 

Dan pulls at Phil’s jumper and snuggles closer. He watches as Phil uses his free hand to scroll through his dashboard, not really paying attention to the things they’re supposedly looking at, until eventually his eyes start to drift shut, and, breathing in time with his best friend, he falls asleep. Phil, who isn’t necessarily tired, carefully (so not to disturb Dan) stretches out his legs and flexes his fingers. A few of his bones pop, and then he slumps back down against Dan, and he breathes, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, guys:) Let me know what you thought? 
> 
> I really like writing platonic fics because I feel like there aren't very many in the phandom, which sort of sucks when you're ace/aro like me. I recently went through a really hard time regarding my asexuality (and the fear that I'd be forever alone), and constantly reading fics where they were unhappy with being "just friends" made me really... sad. I hope someone is happy to "just" be my friend someday.


End file.
